I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
