So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
