I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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