He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
