Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
