Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
