R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
