you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
