Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
