Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
