i need an iv and a liver transplant
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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