Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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