My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
