Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
