I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
