i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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