I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
