We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
