We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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