the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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