It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
