fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
