omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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