Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
