I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
