My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
