I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
