that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
