Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
