the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
