I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
