I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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