I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
