Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
