Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
