somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
