I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
