Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
