I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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