Michael Bay diarrhea
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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