thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
