If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
