I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
