Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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