I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
