I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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