Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
