i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
