I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
MIDGETS
????
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
