Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
