what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
